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People Need Less Than You Think They Do
A therapist explains how to feel less overwhelmed by your relationships
Anxiety distorts how we see the world and our relationships. Turn up the stress, and we become more allergic to each other. It’s harder to tolerate a partner’s quirks or a friend’s lengthy texts. Answering a simple email from a colleague feels like an impossible task.
This increased sensitivity is why many feel overwhelmed by relationships during the pandemic, even though we have less contact with others. Because when we’re anxious, we tend to think people need more help than they really do.
When you assume people need lots of attention, you begin to feel overwhelmed by their perceived needs. One of two things will happen:
- You’ll overfunction for them.
- You’ll avoid them.
Intuitively, a parent knows that their child does not thrive when we’re anxiously focused on their homework. We know that a partner doesn’t need us to fix a problem at their work. But when anxiety is high, we are extra sensitive to the distress of others. Directing them or distancing from them become our only means of calming down.
Half of my work as a therapist is helping people see that others are more capable than we think they are. And…
