One step to become more comfortable with conflict

✅ Today’s tip: During disagreements, use “de-escalators” to train your body to be more at ease.

There are some people who are comfortable with conflict. And then there are others who deal with it by either shutting down, putting up defensive armor, or fleeing the scene. If you’re in the latter group (and many of us are), try a strategy from the psychotherapist Britt Mahrer: Address your physical responses first.

“Identify what happens in your body during conflict,” Mahrer writes. “Do you experience an increased heart rate? Dry mouth? Tightened muscles?” Once you pinpoint your physical symptoms, come up with specific “de-escalators,” counter-actions that show your body that you’re safe. For instance, if you find that your words become loud and fast, lower your voice and start speaking more slowly. Writes Mahrer: “Your brain will begin to listen to the message it’s receiving from the body: If my symptoms are lessening, then maybe the threat is gone.”

📚 More from Forge on disagreeing productively:

How to Be an Effective Boss If You Hate Conflict
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10 Conversational Hazards to Avoid During Conflict
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A Smarter Way to Fight With Your Partner
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