The Secret to True Kindness

Research shows it’s measured by the benefit of the doubt

Nir Eyal
Forge
Published in
3 min readNov 24, 2020

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Credit: Mimi Haddon/Getty Images

Babies. They’re such jerks, aren’t they? They wake you up in the middle of the night. They make huge messes for you to clean up. And let’s not forget to mention the inevitable diaper blowouts that happen at all the wrong times. Who do they think they are?

Of course, this is a pretty awful way to think of infants. We were all babies at one point, and if other people hadn’t given us some grace, we wouldn’t have made it to our first birthdays.

Babies, we know, don’t mean to annoy anyone. Even when they make others uncomfortable, we give them a pass because, well, they’re babies. We give them the maximum benefit of the doubt. And unless we’re jerks ourselves, we are kind to them.

Funny how when babies grow up, we stop giving them the benefit of the doubt — or at least we offer a lot less of it. Everyone is just a grown-up baby, but have you noticed how there never seems to be enough kindness to go around?

This is because kindness is measured by the benefit of the doubt.

Graph with “Closeness” on X-axis and “Benefit of the Doubt” on Y-axis with icons of Enemy, Political Candidate, Friend, Child

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Nir Eyal
Forge
Writer for

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