Joint Accounts

Is It Ever Okay to Lend Your Partner Money?

It’s almost always a bad idea, but a few ground rules can keep it from ruining your relationship

Illustration: Laurie Rollitt

Welcome to Joint Accounts, a weekly advice column about money and relationships of all kinds. Have a question? Email jointaccounts@medium.com.

Dear Joint Accounts,

My friend’s boyfriend told her he wants to borrow $2,000 for an “act of charity.” What is a tactful way for her to handle that situation if lending money is outside of her comfort zone?

— Uncomfortable Friend

Right now, I’m betting at least a few readers want to lunge through the computer and urge your friend to say no. Personal loans have a sneaky way of changing relationships for the worse, and you don’t have to look very hard to find someone who’s had an awful experience lending to or borrowing from friends or loved ones.

Generally speaking, money can be a tricky thing to talk about between partners. Research has found that money is the biggest relationship stressor, and money-related arguments are a top predictor of divorce. Disagreements over finances can exacerbate other existing issues, in part because money is so inextricably linked to power. When you let a loved one…