Member-only story
Women Tending to Their Basic Needs Is Not Self-Care
That kid-free trip to Target is not going to bring you back to life
I’m a big fan of self-care. Five out of five stars. No one can pour from an empty cup, right?
But lately, all over Instagram accounts and the Facebook mom groups I belong to, I’m seeing something that troubles me — a subtle message that can be misleading and even downright damaging.
The message? That fulfilling our basic human needs counts as self-care.
I’ve seen moms write that their time in the bathroom without any kids climbing on them is like “a mini-vacation.” Or that they got seven hours of sleep for the first time in months and now they’re rested, recharged, and ready to take on the world. Or that they took a solo trip to Target to do something for themselves. I’m sorry, but while I enjoy a kid-free trip to Target as much as anyone, it’s still always filled with a mental checklist of items that my family needs:
My husband is out of deodorant.
My daughter needs new socks — no-show ones, I think. Didn’t she ask for white?
Do we have eggs at home for dinner later? Are we out of dog food?
