I’m Not a Robot, I’m an Evolution. And You Are Too.
A story about growth and compassion, by a human, for a human
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We have an obsession with growth. Productivity. Working hard. Habits. Daily improvement.
We track, measure and calculate.
But after burning out in 2020 and spending the following 18 months focusing on my mental health, strengthening my self-compassion, and learning to let go of my inner critic, I’ve realised something important.
I am not a robot. I am a human. I am an evolution.
Growth is important. To be thriving and seeking to constantly learn and develop and become the person we’re meant to be is part of a purpose-driven, joyful life.
But constant, calculated growth on a daily basis? I’m not convinced it’s possible nor sustainable.
Not everything in a happy and fulfilled life can or should be measured. Not all growth can or needs to be measured. And, it puts inordinate pressure on us to chase daily growth when some days are meant for meaningless fun, pure rest and switching off.
You can’t put a number against how kind you were, how you showed up for your friends and family, or how you showed up for yourself.
While I do indeed have goals and targets and things I measure (like, I’m trying to create a daily writing habit and I’m beginning to train for a marathon), I’m also practicing things like self-compassion, loving-kindness, leaning into the present moment, and connecting to myself as often as possible.
When it comes to my personal growth, I’m seeking to be an evolution. Not a robotic pursuit of stepwise, measurable improvement.
I’m seeking to lean fully into my human-ness.
Here are some ideas about why we should let go of measured daily improvement and consider ourselves an evolution, instead.
Is daily growth even real, or possible, or worthy of pursuit?
On face value, the idea of daily growth seems like a no-brainer. Isn’t growth the goal? But life is so much more nuanced than that. We face all kinds of setbacks and challenges that are thrown our way, which might force us to refocus our attention, derail us, or make us adjust our priorities. This is why learning about self-compassion is so vital: living from a place of self-compassion helps us to show up as our best selves, no matter what is happening.
Deciding that daily growth is necessary (and even riskier, attaching self-worth to it) places enormous pressure on the achieving of goals to feel fulfilled. Goals are wonderful things, don’t get me wrong, but they must be used as tools in an overall balanced life, and they certainly don’t define your worth as a human.
It can also be incredibly easy to notice some regression in areas of your life and beat yourself up over it.
There was a period of time during which I felt like I was going backwards. I complained as such to a mentor, and before he said anything, he grabbed a napkin and a pen from his compendium.
He sketched a typical stock market graph.
He pointed to his little sketch and asked me what I saw. It didn’t take me long to grasp what he was trying to tell me. It’s important to look at the trend, over time, which is upwards.
Embracing going backwards
We can get tangled in the daily improvement, and freak out when we see ourselves slipping. It’s important to zoom out and reflect on our progress over months and years, though. This is how I view my own growth. During the COVID lockdowns of 2020 and 2021, I went to the gym a handful of times; heartbreaking for someone who consistently worked out around 5 times a week. But sometimes, going backward in an area of my life can be an opportunity to compassionately learn from mistakes and figure out what is truly important to me. Although I feel like I’m starting again on my fitness journey, I know how important it is to me, now. I don’t want to lose it again.
It’s not sustainable to grow in all areas of our life simultaneously. While I lost fitness, I grew in another area. Different phases of our life call for different parts of us, and while I was beating myself up (old habits die hard) because I was not achieving my fitness goals, my mental and spiritual growth was my priority during that time. And now, the version of me right now, as I write this, is hugely different from who I was two years ago. I’m an evolution.
Embracing the paradox
I am someone who chases growth, loves a challenge, loves a goal, and loves to look at numbers and stats. And yet, I don’t believe in chasing “daily growth.” There are two truths here: growth is good, but there is more to us than just growth — we are worthy of being here no matter what we do or don’t achieve. Holding space for this is important because it allows you to be perfectly content with the present moment — after all, it’s all we have — as well as nurturing an ambition for personal growth. We get the joy of chasing goals, but we are also allowed to rest, be kind to ourselves, take a break, let it all go and come back to it tomorrow.
We need to give ourselves permission not to aim to achieve something every single day. Instead, we need to empower ourselves and take responsibility for what’s right. Do you need to rest? Or do you need to strive? Or do you need help? These are all things that work together towards a whole life.
This is why I want to be an evolution. It allows for a step forward or a step back. It’s about becoming the fullest, most real, most alive and most vibrant person I can be.
Conclusion: finding what’s sustainable for you
A more realistic path to growth is one that is sustainable and can bend to whatever you need in your life. And remember: you can do this with the aid of others, and consider even seeking professional help from perhaps a psychologist or a coach.
You can become a better person each day by choosing how you show up, and making the decision to be present, mindful, kind and compassionate. Pushing at the edges of your comfort zone is how you grow, and making it a habit to get comfortable with discomfort is a great way to put yourself on the path of growth. But also be comfortable with pure rest. This is scary for many people because it feels unproductive. Remember that we deserve rest — regardless of how productive we have been — just as we deserve food and shelter. Don’t deprive yourself of it, and don’t rest simply because you want to be productive. Rest because it’s a joyful part of living.
Your best self is whoever you need to be in the present moment. Live by your values, be kind and compassionate. Be generous to yourself, as well as the world.
You can be ambitious while knowing you are enough right now, in this moment.
You can decide how you want to evolve.
