How to Use Anger to Evolve Your Relationships
What a stressful housemate relationship taught me about using anger as a catalyst for change
The best lesson I got on handling anger came from the worst housemate I’ve ever had.
I was 24 and jumped at an unbelievably good apartment deal with a girl I vaguely knew from college. Shortly after I moved in and began an intensive 3-month data science bootcamp, the cracks in our relationship emerged. My housemate watched loud action movies at midnight, ignored boundaries, and- because she struggled to be alone- bought an untrained puppy. Every morning at 5 am, I woke up to barking, came home to growling and biting, and woke up again at night to TV and more barking. As polite conversation failed and stress mounted, I reached out to a psychologist family friend, who gave me what may be the best advice on anger I’ve ever received:
“You don’t want to explode and get into an emotional fight and you don’t want to let this escalate any further for your own mental health- there’s a third option. Sit with the anger and clarify what you’re most angry about and what change you need to resolve it. Talk to her and share how you’re feeling and the change you would like to resolve the situation. If she is unable to have a calm conversation and gets explosive, become as solid…
