SCRIPTS
How to Tell a Friend They’ve Let You Down
A script for airing your grievances in a productive way
Friendship, like any relationship, is a fickle beast. You support your friends yet can feel jealous of their success. You enjoy being around them but sometimes need a little space. You can think the world of a friend while still knowing they’re capable of letting you down.
And if you stay close with someone for long enough, they inevitably will let you down at some point, whether that means spilling a secret or leaving you to fend for yourself in a stressful time. When you feel wronged this way, it’s important to advocate for yourself — for your own sake (research has shown a positive link between assertiveness and self-respect) as well as for the health of the relationship.
Pulling it off takes some careful thought and preparation — otherwise your friend can feel attacked, you feel frustrated and unheard, and everyone’s unhappy. Done thoughtfully, though, an airing of grievances can strengthen a friendship.
“Good relationships don’t usually thrive conflict-free, but healthy relationships can deal with conflict in a healthy way,” says Suzanne Degges-White, a professor of counseling and counselor education at Northern Illinois University. “That’s why it’s important to…
