Beyond Small Talk
How to Talk to a Relative You’re Estranged From
Each interaction is part of a bigger process of acceptance
This story is part of How to Talk to Anyone, Forge’s guide to moving past the chitchat and truly connecting.
My relationship with my mother was traumatic and dysfunctional and, I’m convinced, nearly killed me. When I finally cut her off, three years before she died, my life improved dramatically.
But any estrangement has its collateral damage — and in my case, going no-contact with my mother meant giving up the rest of my family, too. My father and I had been close when I was growing up, but as things with my mother deteriorated, he made it clear he would always take her side. My sister also distanced herself: I wanted her to see that I wasn’t the villain of the story, that our mother had done some terrible things, that I had legitimate grievances and feelings. She, understandably, just didn’t want to get caught in the crossfire.
When my mother died, it was a new chapter for the three of us — my father, my sister, and me. Together, we had to figure out how to move forward, a process that turned out to be a lot rockier than I’d anticipated. Eventually, though, it did happen. We rebuilt our relationships, this time on our own terms. And…
