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How to Stop Blowing Up at Every Little Thing
Three exercises to help you choose thoughtfulness over rage
My son and I were having breakfast, and he did something two-year-olds often do: He spilled his milk. Before the liquid even flowed off the table and dripped onto the floor, I verbally lost my temper in a way I’m ashamed of. And my reaction petrified him.
Our words hold power, both good and bad. Every time you yell at someone or demean them, you are hurting them. Because the world forces people to stuff their emotions away, you may never see the results of your outbursts. With kids, though, it’s different. My son’s wet cheeks and shaking hands told me everything I needed to know.
While I wish I could hit rewind on that moment at the breakfast table, something good did come out of it. My son motivated me to get better. These three exercises help me to keep cool when other people test my patience.
Journal from the perspective of the people you’ve hurt
I told my wife about how I’d lost my temper and scared our son. I blamed my actions on the stress I was under at work and my lack of sleep. She didn’t get angry, nor did she give me a speech about the importance of demonstrating restraint. Instead, she reminded me of the universal truth: Excuses never solve problems.
She encouraged me to sit down and write about the experience from the perspective of my son: How would I have felt if someone twice my size had reamed me out for a small mistake? How did I feel when my own father reacted in the same way? Did I pull back the next time he tried to hug me? An exercise like this can be painful, but it can help you bandage old wounds — and prevent new ones.
Ask for help from trusted advisors
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