How to Spend More Time Alone
Sitting at a bar while texting a friend doesn’t count
When was the last time you were on your own? Not alone while listening to your kids in the other room, or working at your desk as your co-workers swarm through the office, or sitting at the bar while texting a friend, but truly alone?
I have a hard time being by myself, and lately, I’ve been trying to figure out why. All I know is that this aversion to solitude has left me feeling stuck. I’ve struggled to learn about myself, to understand what drives and scares me, to know where I want to go next.
It’s become one of my goals to get comfortable being with… just me. Plenty of people struggle with this — in a study out of the University of Virginia, several participants chose electric shock over being alone with their own thoughts — but research shows that those who spend time on their own, by choice, have lower levels of stress, more compassion for others, increased productivity, and are generally more satisfied with their lives. Those who seek solitude tend to be more creative, too. As Patricia Highsmith, author of The Talented Mr. Ripley, wrote: “My imagination functions much better when I don’t have to speak to people.”
So over the past couple of years, I’ve tried a few different techniques to relearn how to comfortably be alone…
