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How I Finally Learned How to Say ‘No’ (and How You Can, Too)
Nine phrases to try for yourself
I have finally learned how to say “no.” I am 43. It’s taken 25 years of my adult life to get comfortable with these two tiny letters. Why? Three reasons, the combination of which is the perfect storm for someone like me: 1) I am a people pleaser; 2) it’s human nature to be really needy and demanding, even more so now that we’re trapped at home; and 3) We live in a “say yes to life” culture. But, of all the things that the pandemic has taught me, this is probably the most powerful one: “No” is the new “yes.” Let’s break it down:
I am a people pleaser. Maybe you are, too. For many years of my life, if you said the sky was green, I would say, “You know, it does look a little green today.” I would find some speck or ray or shadow of the clearly blue sky to make it true. Hunter. Lime. Olive. Fern. Pick a shade. There must be some green in there. I made it my mission—in a nanosecond—to find the green.
Why? Because I wanted so badly to connect with people. I wanted to belong. I wanted to be part of the group. I wanted to find common ground with you enough that I would blatantly ignore my own eyes in order to agree. Plainly put, it was just easier. I saw zero value in disagreeing. Disagreements lead to conflict. Conflict means arguing. Arguing…
