How to Master the Korean Art of Snap Judgments
Once as a child, after accidentally offending a family friend, I defended myself to my father by saying, “I didn’t mean to upset Jinny’s mother.”
My father’s reply: “The fact that the harm wasn’t intentional doesn’t make it better. It makes it worse.”
Those without Korean parents might find my dad’s criticism difficult to understand. What parent would prefer that their child be mean deliberately rather than accidentally? But think of it another way: Children who choose to be mean at least know what they hope to achieve by it, whether that’s getting even with a sibling or riling up a parent.
But a child who doesn’t even know what consequences their words have on people? That’s a child with no nunchi, and no matter how sweet and kind they are, they are likely to be on the losing end of life.
Nunchi — the subtle Korean art of gauging other people’s thoughts and feelings to build harmony, trust, and connection — is a superpower. In the short term, nunchi will save you from social embarrassment: You can’t make a faux pas if you’ve read the room correctly. In the long term, nunchi will make the waters part for you. People will open doors that you never even knew existed. Nunchi will help you live your best life.
