How to Explain Your Post-Pandemic Life Changes to the People in Your Life
New language for a new time
For many of us, the last year was a major turning point. The Great Pause, and the painful fifteen months that followed, illuminated where life is letting us down, where the stories we tell ourselves are proving insufficient, and even where our dearest relationships are failing. Yes, there is light at the end of this strange, dark tunnel — here in New York this week, fireworks lit up the sky to celebrate our “reopening” — but for many, myself included, the light belies a deeper personal understanding: there are parts of life that simply cannot go back to normal and must change in “The After.”
I always find when I want to change my behavior — when I need to effect changes both large and small — I have to find and use new language. Words are powerful. Refreshing my day-to-day vocabulary does three things. First, it helps my body process the change. As I feed my brain and my heart new words to put in my mouth and type on my phone and keyboard, they know that “something is up.” Next, because I stay present to my language (informal and formal), I stay off auto-pilot. Auto-pilot spells disaster for personal change-making. Habits die hard, even after a 15-month hiatus. Lastly, it helps the people around me understand what to expect from me going forward. Humans don’t like change, so letting others know that change is afoot can be helpful.
I write from a place of experience, and also exploration. I have been trying out some new words and phrases — in conversation, via text, and on email — since I decided to make major changes to where I live, whom I spend time with, what my business and career look like, and how I organize my calendar’s work and social commitments. Some have proven very effective; others I am still refining. What I have found is this: what works best is a simple three-tier system. Each represents a level of intimacy in my relationships. Let me explain.
Level of Intimacy: 1. These are the colleagues, friends, and acquaintances that you don’t feel you need to really explain much to. You haven’t seen them in…
