How to Deliver Harsh Feedback to Someone You Respect
In relationships you value, speaking up is critical
I had to say it: Our business relationship wasn’t working.
This was a colleague I respected. I admired their accomplishments and genuine kindness to strangers. I had learned many things from this person and was proud of what we accomplished together. We were friends, even. Over beers, we always got along great.
But at work, we had become accidental rivals. This colleague was acting as the gatekeeper between me and our clients, preventing me from making any progress on our goals. It was as if they were working against me, not with me. The tension had been growing.
It’s easy to stay quiet about problems in relationships we value. Leadership coaches Jack Zenger and Joe Folkman led a study of 2,700 leaders and found that the majority of them avoided giving feedback — especially corrective or negative feedback. Forty-three percent of leaders said they found giving corrective feedback to be a “stressful and difficult experience.”
But if we hold off on delivering harsh but necessary feedback, we allow issues to build up until they can no longer be resolved. With my colleague, in order to avoid turning an already difficult situation into a toxic one, I had to get tactical…
