How to Bring Your Anger Into the Room
It’s a good-faith expression of expecting better
There’s a lot to be angry about right now: A global pandemic given free rein in the United States by callous and incompetent leadership. A righteous uprising against anti-Blackness and state-sanctioned brutality met with more brutality and martial law. Millions of people squeaking by on unemployment, many of whom may now also be facing eviction. The upcoming start of a school year that holds worrisome unknowns, particularly for the most vulnerable among us.
Despite all the reasons to feel angry, I find in my therapy practice that it is somewhat rare for my clients to bring their anger into the room. Anger is an emotion many of us have learned not to express, even when its expression would ultimately serve us, and our relationships, well.
We don’t know how to express it. And we don’t know how to take in the anger of others. We aren’t taught to see other people’s anger, or our own, as deserving of space and recognition. This aversion prevents us from forming truly reciprocal connections on a person-to-person basis. What’s more, it holds us back from creating a more equitable society.
To get better at processing anger, it’s useful to remember: When we’re asked to bear witness to someone else’s anger, it often means that they…
