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How to Begin Practicing ‘Healthy Control’
Lessons from a recovering control freak
My name is Catherine, and I’m a recovering control freak.
And I know I’m not alone.
If you identify as a sensitive person who struggles with people-pleasing, an inner critic, poor boundaries, overextending yourself, and trying to “fix” others by offering constant advice, it’s likely you may be coming into awareness around your need for control, too.
And it’s okay. As always, first: compassion. A need for control is not a character flaw, or even who you really are, at your core. It developed as a coping mechanism and protective strategy to stay safe, likely when you were very young, likely when you felt adrift in a chaotic, unstable situation. And it likely worked pretty well for a time!
And though we can have compassion for ourselves around it, as we grow into our authentic selves, many of us are probably realizing that control no longer works. In fact, it may be making our lives a lot worse: pushing away people, preventing authentic connections, edging us towards burnout, occupying way too much brain and soul space, and, eventually, ultimately, making us the ones being controlled.
That’s right. When we are trying to control others and situations, we are actually being controlled…
