Love/Hate
Holding a Grudge Can Be Good for You
Remembering the ways people hurt us in the past helps us protect ourselves in the future
A few years ago, I went to Exeter in South West England for a work-related event. It was an evening event, and there was no possibility of me getting home the same night. Luckily, I had close friends, a married couple named Michael and Linda, who lived a short drive from Exeter — friends I’d known for many years. They had a spare room and were only too happy to put me up for the night. They also had a dog, Hobart, a small border terrier who liked to nestle in warm places: his bed, other people’s beds, amid piles of woolly sweaters in drawers and wardrobes.
Michael was obsessive about Hobart. In order to relax, he needed to know, at all times, where in the house Hobart was. Even if he had no reason to fear for the dog’s safety or well-being, it wasn’t enough for Michael to know that Hobart was somewhere or other nearby; he had to know Hobart’s exact location.
On this particular night, I arrived at Michael and Linda’s house at around 10:00, and we all had a cup of tea together. At 11, I said that I was going to bed. Eleven is early by my normal standards, but at the time I had two children under three years old. I explained to Michael and Linda…
