Friendship Is Always Emotional Labor
The strongest relationships are the ones that recognize that
“Do you have a second to listen to me vent?” I recently texted my friend Nikki.
It’s a text I’ve sent many, many times before. Nikki, who I’ve known since we were both in graduate school together, is my go-to for messages like those. She’s always there for me, ready to listen to any of my drama when I’m desperate for an ear — except for when she’s not.
Nikki is one of the busiest people I know: She’s got a husband, three kids — one each in elementary, middle, and high school — a career as a poet, and a job as an adjunct professor. She’s also an artist, and lately her art has started to garner attention and gallery shows. She barely has time to balance all of her obligations. And even though she loves talking to me, those venting talks can use up a lot of emotional energy for both of us, especially if we’re worked up. (We’re often worked up.)
Life can get overwhelming, and we all need help sometimes. But, for the same reason, we also need to learn to cut our friends some slack. It’s possible to be too overwhelmed to help out — no matter how close you are.
I didn’t think of my message to Nikki as emotional labor until a few days later, when I saw a viral tweet from the writer…
