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4 Ways We Use Our Relationships to Manage Anxiety
How to rely more on yourself to stay calm
Humans are social creatures. We use our relationships to survive, thrive, and calm down as quickly as possible.
When I ask my therapy clients how they manage anxiety, they usually don’t talk about the relationships patterns that they activate in times of distress. But paying attention to these behaviors can help you see opportunities to work on self-regulating anxiety instead of outsourcing the job to the nearest, nicest human.
There’s nothing wrong with using other people to manage anxiety. But too much reliance on certain patterns can put a strain on our relationships and ultimately lead to more anxiety. Here are four common relationship patterns we use to calm down.
1. We use conflict to manage anxiety.
At first glance, conflict with others doesn’t seem particularly calming. But seeing and labeling others (and not ourselves) as the problem can help you feel stable.
Conflict happens when two people (or two groups) are focused on how the other needs to change. This can manage tension to a degree. But when one person can shift the focus back on themselves and how they want to respond to the challenge, they’ll be less reactive in the long run.
