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Does Taking a Call at the Playground Make Me a Horrible Parent?
Time management expert Laura Vanderkam deconstructs a common form of parental guilt
Dear Laura:
I took my kids (ages six and eight) to the playground the other afternoon. While we were there, my phone rang. One of my clients had a big mess on her hands and asked for my help sorting it out. We chatted for about 30 minutes. Then I found my kids and we walked home. On the way, they started telling me about a game they’d invented with some other children, and I realized I hadn’t seen any of it. Should I feel guilty? Am I a horrible parent?
— Mom on her iPhone
Dear Mom on her iPhone:
Guilt can sometimes serve a useful function. Humans are social creatures, so if you hurt a member of your tribe, you feel badly until you make amends. This allows the tribe to heal rifts and stay together, despite the human tendency to annoy and disappoint those who love us.
But key to the utility of this emotion is that someone must have been hurt. And I’m scratching my head to figure out who was hurt in the scenario you describe.
Your kids had a fun time at the park. They invented their own games and interacted with other children, all without mom hovering over them. You helped your client, who got the benefit of your expertise. And you probably came out ahead, too, by finding a way to occupy yourself. Let’s be honest, watching children swing can get boring, no matter how adorable they are.
Afternoons like this, without mom hovering in the background, are how you help your children develop self-regulation and self-reliance. Create enough of them, and your kids won’t be the ones calling from the college laundry room because they can’t figure out which machine is the washer or the dryer.
Of course, if your children are toddlers who might fling themselves off the top of the slide, then someone could have been hurt. But assuming you felt sure your children are mature and savvy enough not to do that — no harm, no foul.
I’m scratching my head to figure out who was hurt in the scenario you describe.
