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Dads, Take Your Damn Paternity Leave
It’s the best thing men can do to blunt a fundamental inequality at work
Before my son was born, friends and co-workers asked whether I planned on taking paternity leave. I answered yes, every single day of it.
Amazingly, this seemed to be a radical answer. “Good for you!” was the standard response from other dads. But “good for you” in the way you say it when someone tells you they’re about to carry out an insane dream: “I’m moving to Tallahassee to open the world’s first Care Bear museum.” Good for you!
According to one study of dads in the United States, seven in 10 who took parental leave were out of work for 10 days or less. And even in countries where paternity leave is mandated, a large portion of dads don’t take it, according to a report by Promundo, an international nonprofit focused on engaging men and boys in promoting gender equality.
There are the “my work needs me” dads and the “I could never take care of my kid all day” dads.
Why don’t new dads take their paternity leave? Not all dads can, of course. Paternity leave is not a given in the United States. (Neither is paid parental leave for mothers.) Many parents aren’t able to take unpaid time off. But some states now have laws mandating parental leave for moms and dads. I’m fortunate to live in one of those states, and even more fortunate to work for a company that has a generous paid parental leave policy.
I asked dads who did have access to paid leave, but decided not to take it, why? And I found the responses fell into two basic categories. There are the “my work needs me” dads and the “I could never take care of my kid all day” dads.
To which my response is: No, your work doesn’t need you. And yes, you can take care of your child all day. Put another way: I realize you think you’re important, and you are. It’s just that your sense of importance is misplaced.
Reddit founder Alexis Ohanian recently pointed out, rightly, that stigma is part of what prevents dads taking time off to care for their children:
Men are conditioned to be breadwinners, exclusively — and another mouth to feed…
