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Break the Cycle of New Year’s Resolution Disappointment
Why therapists recommend principles over resolutions
The beginning of the year is a fantastic time to be a therapist. Every January, anxious overachievers across the country pour into offices like mine, equipped with fresh planners and sleek new gym clothes. They list their New Year’s resolutions, outline their goals, or announce the “word of the year” they’re determined to personify.
You don’t have to be a therapist to know what happens next. Roughly 80% of the resolution-makers will abandon their goal, and most will spend the remaining months of the year beating themselves up, to varying degrees, for dropping the ball.
But I’ve noticed that the 20% who do manage to reach the finish line don’t feel much better off. I’ve had plenty of clients admit that they aren’t any more relaxed or content than they were the year before, even after accomplishing the goals they set for themselves. Running a half marathon is great, but it doesn’t help them get along with their mother or give them hope when the country feels like it’s going up in flames.
So, when people are skeptical of resolutions — and as you’ve probably guessed, I’m one of them — I encourage them instead to create New Year’s principles.
Principles are your beliefs about what your best self looks like. They describe who you want to be in challenging situations and difficult relationships. And they can be a life raft amid the flood of daunting headlines, family drama, and late-night worry spirals that all of us will face at some point in the new year. Here’s my case for calling quits on the resolution-making and instead devoting your energy to thinking a little more long term.
Principles are more flexible
It’s true that specific, measurable goals are easier to accomplish than vague declarations. It’s tough to know when you’ve earned the right to remove “be better about working out” from your list, whereas “run five miles a week” is an easy yes or no. But the downside of specific and measurable is that it often doesn’t leave room for life’s curveballs.
Principles, on the other hand, help you stay flexible when challenges inevitably pop up. A new baby…
