America Needs Guys Right Now, Not Men
Stay inside, pick an interest, become a Guy
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The men are at it again.
This time, they’re crowding into Nashville bars and throwing Frisbees in the middle of Prospect Park and showing the world that a little pandemic ain’t gonna stop them from havin’ a good-ass time. They’re logging on to tell people who are self-isolating that they’re ignorant, weak, and allergic to fun. Some of these men are gonna die shortly, and probably take your grandma along with them. But for now, they’re flipping that ‘rona the bird and showing it who’s boss.
This is extremely on-brand for my people. If the coronavirus had ravaged the globe 20 years ago, I’m sure I would’ve also gone full bro and defied it by double-fisting brews on a bar patio somewhere. This is because I grew up believing — worshipping, really — an idealized American male archetype: tough, drunk, strong, horny, etc.
I was taught that to be a man, you had to inhabit the role of Man. You had to do manly shit like build log cabins and carry a gun and get into bar fights and ignore your lady when she’s givin’ you too much sass. I subscribed to Maxim. I made cheap gay jokes. I did all that.
It took me far too long to realize that particular male archetype was a colossal pile of shit. Being a good man just means being a good person. And being a good person right now literally saves lives. And all you have to do to fulfill that criteria on this day is stay inside.
But what do you do now that you’re quarantined but still wanna indulge in a few male instincts? I humbly suggest you become a Guy: a man who wears his manhood with an abundance of good cheer and harbors a deep, if not distressing, enthusiasm for a novel hobby or way of living.
For example, I am now a Robe Guy. I do not start wars in my robe. I do not commit white-collar crimes in my robe. I just enjoy wearing a robe. From that enjoyment, I radiate a warmth and a tiger-like allure that others cannot help but appreciate. I do not INSIST upon them appreciating my flowing robes. You can’t be a Great Guy if you’re constantly badgering others to tell people that you are one. You can only follow your Guy muse and hope that the joy you take in the process rubs off on those around you.
