A Trick to Being More Assertive
To get what you need, put the ball in the other person’s court
I learned how to be assertive from my mother. She always expresses her feelings, is comfortable with saying no, acts in her family’s best interest, and thinks about the common good. No one can take advantage of her. If you try, she will give you a piece of her mind. And you won’t like it.
In Your Perfect Right, a classic book on the topic, Robert E. Alberti and Michael L. Emmons define assertiveness as “behavior which enables a person to act in his own best interests, to stand up for himself without undue anxiety, to express his honest feeling comfortably, or to exercise his own rights without denying the rights of others.” In general, there are three types of human behavior:
- Passive: Indirect, dishonest, does not take control, is nice at all costs, focuses on others.
- Assertive: Direct, honest, to the point, is rooted in self-worth, respects others.
- Aggressive: Harmful, egocentric, aims to win at any cost, justifies the means, wants to control others.
You’ll find that most behavior happens at the extremes. When you experience dishonesty at home, with your friends, and at work, it’s usually not because people have evil intentions, but because they are passive…
