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A Thought Exercise to Guide You Through a Really Hard Choice
For every big life decision, I consult my 6-year-old self and my 90-year-old self
In three weeks, my husband, kids, and I are relocating from Minnesota to my home state of Wisconsin. It’s a decision that didn’t come easily. We’ll be uprooting lives we liked for new ones full of unknowns. Moving is draining, especially during a pandemic. And expensive.
For many of us, the past year of Covid has been a clarifying time, highlighting our personal values and forcing a more honest consideration of our priorities. In some cases, that clarity can make big decisions feel easier and more urgent — but on the other hand, the constant risk assessment of living through a pandemic can also cause major decision fatigue. So one particularly stressed-out night, when it was clear that Present Day Ashley wouldn’t be much help in working out the pros and cons of this major life choice, I turned to the two people I often call on to guide me through tricky moments.
The first was my six-year-old self — a kid who, before the responsibilities of adulthood crept in, used to love the adventure of trying new things. The second was myself at 90. Decades from now, I wondered, would Future Ashley regret not living closer to my family? I knew the answer was yes.
These mental leaps through time can be a valuable decision-making exercise, explains the Chicago-based therapist Abby Gagerman, helping people regain perspective and, consequently, find much-needed clarity that’s eluded them. Little kids and older adults have one thing in common: They both have a clearer view of what matters.
Think back to first or second grade. What were your top priorities? Probably whoever made you feel loved and whatever you loved to do. Somewhere along the way, you started doing less of what you wanted and more of what you were supposed to: going to college, getting a job, buying a house. Sure, part of that is just gaining maturity and obligations, but it’s…
