A Fearless Guide to Losing Your Social Nerves

Years ago, I couldn’t talk to strangers. Here’s what it finally took to shed my anxiety.

Alexander M. Combstrong
Forge

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Photo: Jena Ardell/Getty Images

One day during my socially anxious years, I was standing in a record shop, trying to force myself to speak to another customer. I’d promised myself I would speak to one stranger that day and the plan was to simply ask for the time. I’d never managed to do that before.

But anxiety took over. My feet wouldn’t budge. I noticed my mouth clamping around my tongue. I had no chance. Talking to strangers just wasn’t possible for me then. Some part of my brain would bolt my feet to the floor and gag me until it was safe.

It took me many years to get over that. But I have. Today, I’ll speak to anyone. Socializing with strangers became possible and, now, finally easy.

I achieved this partly by living out of my comfort zone, especially through working as an actor. My psychology and therapy qualifications also helped. Put together, the results were as good as I could have dreamed of. And now I can pass on the stuff that worked the best.

If you struggle with social nerves, here’s how to get past them.

Try ‘comfort-zone stretching,’ but make it gentle

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