Creativity doesn’t need to have an expiration date
The phrase “unfinished project” brings something specific to mind for each of us. For you, it might be the novel you’ve been working on for the past decade, or the pile of knitting supplies sitting in the corner of your bedroom, or the stack of half-read books collecting dust on your coffee table.
Whatever it is, I’m willing to bet that thinking about it makes you a little uncomfortable. Anything uncompleted tends to have that effect. Oftentimes, the discomfort is not even about the project itself — it’s a reminder of all of your shortcomings and failures. “I’ll never finish…
A psychology-based approach to conflict
About five years ago my significant other and I were in a dumb argument. I wasn’t backing down. She wasn’t backing down.
During the stalemate, I vented to a friend. I explained to him in agonizing detail why I was right, why my significant other was wrong, how the world would be better off if I could just get her to understand this — and did this guy have any advice for convincing her that I was right? His response: “Do you want to be right or happy?”
This question has since saved me a lot of headaches and led…
Nine phrases to try for yourself
I have finally learned how to say “no.” I am 43. It’s taken 25 years of my adult life to get comfortable with these two tiny letters. Why? Three reasons, the combination of which is the perfect storm for someone like me: 1) I am a people pleaser; 2) it’s human nature to be really needy and demanding, even more so now that we’re trapped at home; and 3) We live in a “say yes to life” culture. But, of all the things that the pandemic has taught me, this is probably the most powerful one: “No” is the new…
As your life start to slowly fill up again, find a few ways to keep cutting yourself some slack
Years ago, in a prenatal yoga class, I heard a question that fundamentally changed the way I think about everything, from hosting Thanksgiving to handling my inbox: “What can you not do?”
The instructor didn’t mean it as an assessment of our limits (“What are you not able to do?”) but rather as an invitation for us to take stock of what we could drop from our crowded lives (“What can you stop doing?”).
That invitation was life-altering, and I want to pass it on. Even if you’re a hyper-organized planner who zooms through to-do lists and self-soothes by researching…
🤔 Today’s tip: Ask yourself, “How would I define what good work looks like today?”
One reason impostor syndrome can be so hard to shake is that we tend to rely on the wrong tools to beat it. As the therapist Kathleen Smith notes in Forge, confidence is only a Band-Aid. The real cure is objectivity. “The people who tend to be the least anxious about a big meeting or a new promotion are those who can evaluate themselves realistically, without relying too much on praise or criticism from others,” she writes.
Getting that clarity for yourself starts with asking…
⏰ Today’s tip: Time out your morning routine.
In her fun (and foul-mouthed) No F*cks Given podcast, Sarah Knight offers a solution to chronic lateness that’s shockingly simple: 1) Identify when you are most prone to lateness and rushing—for most people, this is the morning. 2) Time how long it takes you to do all the things (in the morning, maybe this includes showering, making coffee, and then either commuting or shuffling over to your couch). 3) Time it again the next day, and the next.
Voila, now you know how much time you really, actually need. Allow yourself that…
🤐 Today’s tip: No “buts” allowed.
Here’s a great example of how not to apologize: “I’m sorry you felt upset about that, but it wasn’t actually that big of a deal.” It looks like an apology; it smells like an apology; but an apology it is not.
And yet, while they can seem tricky, a good apology is not actually that hard to master. As Nikki Campo writes on Elemental: “Validation underpins all good apologies (accepting the other person’s reality as true, without judgment), believability matters (no “buts,” defensiveness, or excuses), and the undesirable behavior must change in the future.”…
🌭 Today’s tip: Try making your favorite condiment.
Another pandemic weekend, just like so many other pandemic weekend. Why not give this one a little more flavor — literally? Peter Buchanan-Smith writes on Medium about how he processed a difficult life moment by making his own mustard at home: “Success or failure was beside the point. My hands were engaged, I was in full dialogue with my ingredients and my tools, and together I had no doubt we’d make something special, something I loved.” …
📚 Today’s tip: Share reading recommendations with a friend.
A good book can be the greatest comfort, as Saul Austerlitz writes on Medium. Throughout the pandemic, Austerlitz found that he wanted “stories to take me away, to transport me somewhere else.” When he found himself hitting yet another pandemic wall recently, he decided send some of his most beloved books to friends: “Books had saved my life more times than I could count, and I hoped some of their power might rub off on those I loved.”
Recommend — or go ahead and send — some of your favorite books…
Here’s how to maintain your digital resistance
If you made a resolution to get off your phone, it’s probably starting to fall apart. The senseless alerts are back, your resolve to “just check one thing” bleeds into the next digital thing, and before you know it an hour (or two or three) have gone by.
You know what it’s costing you. You don’t want to be like the majority of Americans who spend on average 1,200 hours a year on their phone — a full waking month out of every year, a full waking year out of every decade. …
